Ooops.

That one word could easily sum up so much of my life over the past 8 months.


Ooops, I haven't blogged for an eternity.
Ooops, my house is a disaster.
Ooops, I forgot my friend's birthday.
Ooops, I sometimes make mistakes.
Ooops, I guess I'm not perfect...
Ooops, there goes life - passing me by.


Why haven't I blogged? Probably has a lot to do with the fact that I've struggled to get real with myself in regard to many aspects of my life over the past 8 months. Why blog when I can't even be honest with myself? What am I layin' out there? Just a bunch of fluff that I think people want to hear? That they expect me to say. Boring. Totally predictable.


Over the past few weeks I have started to let it out. Lift the weight. End the struggle. Sometimes I think that I'm just making everything much, much, much worse for myself. Then, I realize that I've been taking the easy way out for so long by not being honest with myself and everyone around me. It's so much easier to ignore your problems and carry on. Until the day comes when you've totally lost yourself and can't ignore the issues any longer. Life is not easy. There will be hurt. There will be tears. But the struggle will everntually bring happiness. For everyone. And I do see light at the end of the darkness, no matter how subtle it is at this moment in time.


Last week I completed my first clinical 'rotation' if you will. 135 hours down of 675. Seems like a small dent, but at least it's something. I am loving it...LOVING it...There is a very long story regarding the hardship it took me to finally get started at the hospital, but that's all in the past now - and I am finally living my dream by being able to care for women and babies. It still blows my mind that I have received life, a brand new life, into my outstretched hands. I can only hope that the respect, admiration, joy, and awe I feel for my patients is also felt and acknowledged by them. I love my job.


So yeah, LIFE. Seems so complicated. When, in reality, the concept is simple. New life comes into the world every day. Every second of every day. And old life exits in much the same manner. It's what you do with what you've got between point A and point B that matters. Moral of the story - you've got one life, make it count.